Sorry

I’ve been told I need to stop apologizing so much

teach my tongue not to twist and switch my sorry’s for silence

sorry

not silence

that’s not what I meant I meant sorry

turned sideways

see smile say stubborn

say something else

something not sorry

I am not sorry when we cross paths too close and I almost bump into you

I am not sorry for sneezing

I am not sorry for being late

I am a little sorry for being late

sorry that this mouth only knows to make itself small

only knows submit or be sorry

be shameful

be anything but loud and not sorry

proud and powerful

He told me smile more and I said sorry

he showed me unfaithful I said stay

gave me guilt trip and gaslit

handed me trust issues as a welcome basket

I said I’m so sorry that I ever doubted you

I’m so sorry for getting upset

I’m sorry for writing you poems I know you hate it when I write poems about you

Sorry 

is my second language

and shame is the most persuasive teacher

I’ve been told I need to stop apologizing so much

I ask my therapist how and then say sorry for asking such a stupid question

all of my questions are stupid questions

like when do you think you will be home

will you text me when you’re off work

why did you lie to me

everything is a stupid question 

when No is never an acceptable answer

And boundaries are a battlefield

and crying is the siren

and all sorry knows is run but I am not supposed to be sorry

all my body knows is sorry

just make the sirens stop

just make the sorry stay

leaving is worse than being sorry so don’t leave just stay, sorry

being sorry is better than being alone

so do anything not to be alone

anything not to be alone

do anything not to be alone

and my mouth will be a siren

a smile

a lie 

a sorry that I feel that way

sorry that I feel at all

I’m sorry

I’m supposed to stop apologizing so much

and I let you down

and I’m still sorry

for that