Sadness Drives my Brainship and All Our Feelings are Aliens

And when I say this ship has taken off 

launched a thousand arguments 

written a thousand letters to no one 

I tell you Sadness is the captain,

or the commander 

or whatever the highest chain of command is on a spaceship 

but the rocket is my brain 

it’s a brainship  

it’s a metaphor 

it’s sinking 

or gone up in flames 

or lost all communication with ground control 

and all my feelings are the aliens 

observing me on my tiny blue dot 

how small and trivial are my problems 

how inconsequential their existence 

when I have a brainship full of feelings 

somewhere out in the universe  

what good is it to bother over ants when my feelings are bigger than the stars? 

and when I say my feelings are giant balls of gas and fire 

I mean I am constantly pre-explosion 

I contain the birth of a new solar system 

or maybe just a planet 

or maybe just a poem 

or maybe just a need to verbally process how I feel 

before this flame scorches the back of my teeth 

emotions so big they turn these bones to ashes 

but my feelings aren’t the flame they’re the aliens 

they speak a different language 

they chew with their mouths open and aren’t considered rude 

they talk first and ask questions later 

go on and on and never listen 

trying to reason with them is just yelling into a vacuum 

and isn’t that familiar 

homegrown 

isn’t that what it is to be a local to our own emotions 

to become so intimate with our suffering 

we let it write the poem 

or control the narrative 

isn’t that like home 

to know all the tourist traps 

to know which streets are dead ends and where the shortcuts are 

except these shortcuts don’t actually take you where you’re going 

they’re just sad songs when we’re sad 

they’re just a glass of wine or two at home 

or a night or two with a stranger 

they’re just trying to fill the void 

they’re just stalling until we decide to take the side streets back home 

when we are ready we know the way back home

we know when the ship is running out of fuel 

doesn’t mean we will stop for gas 

just means we know when we are burning out 

when we are black hole 

can’t get out of bed 

or feed the cat 

call in sick 

gotta make it to the gas station but just can’t 

can’t make it home

can’t pull over when you’re floating in this space 

just can’t get out of this Sadness

the brainship needs a jump 

just needs a little push 

needs a new tire or an oil change 

do rocket ships need an oil change 

or do I just need to go back to therapy 

or do I just need to hand over the steering wheel 

Sadness can’t drive a manual anyway 

do submarines use a stick shift 

or do they just keep diving 

until the rocks at the bottom start to look like home 

if I launch this ship will it know when to come back down 

or can I just leave it there  

in a loose and shapeless orbit 

can it write itself a way back home 

or does it need to go back to therapy 

does it need a nudge in the right direction 

do these aliens even know what the right direction is 

or will they wander the galaxy 

aimless and nomadic 

directionless and drifting 

will this brainship ever find its way back home 

or will it always be searching for the path back to joy 

stuck in orbit 

waiting for someone else to take the wheel